Leather Jacket & Scarf: Isabelle’s | Top (underneath dress) & Tights: H&M | Dress: American Apparel | Trainers: Nike | Shoulder bag (tied around waist) & Ketychain on backpack: &Other Stories | Backpack: MCM
All photos: Tanya Krotovskaya, @tanyakrot
***Shoutout to Isabelle for styling me and letting me steal her clothes 😀 ***
As I write this, I am far, far away from Berlin. Since this week is reading week, I’ve managed to schedule some interviews and work experience in London till Friday.
Although I absolutely live/breathe/eat/exist for fashion, am 100% willing to stay very late, and I don’t see any work as beneath me, there’s definitely a point where I question what I want for my life. I want to have relationships, I want to have time to go to the gym, I want to have time to drink a coffee that isn’t from Pret, and most importantly, I need at least an hour or two each day to sit quietly by myself and write excessively long sentences. If I have to sacrifice these aspects of my life, I want to feel that I’ll at least reach a point where I’m successful and won’t have to forget about them completely. To be successful, I don’t need to kill myself. To be successful, I need to do something I LOVE and be healthy — that’s success.
In this crazy world we call fashion, however, it’s easy to feel lost if you don’t have a crystal-clear focus. I know that streetwear, fashion eCommerce, entrepreneurship & digital marketing are my central interests, but I’m struggling to figure out how to find where I belong. If you don’t have a world of experience (or have parents who pull strings), it seems, people are reluctant to give you a chance. As a result, I need to work my ass off. The challenge of “working your ass off”, however, isn’t even the working part — it’s the making sure you’re “working your ass off” on the right things.
I feel like most creative people doing degrees can agree on one thing — a sense of double life. Not only do you need to perform academically at your top-level, but you also need to work your ass off doing creative shit at your top-level. The problem? There never seem to be enough hours in the day, and my relentless quest for being Stephanie 10.0 has resulted in me feeling drained, uninspired and terrified for the future.
Of all people I know, the one person who has been most understanding of my predicament has been my dad. Although we’re quite different, we’re both similar in our single-mindedness towards our interests. Everything he reads, listens to etc. mostly pertains to his work. When I told him how tired I felt, he told me something I didn’t expect — PRIORITIZE and enjoy your life.
When he told me this, I had one of those cheesy Oprah “AHA” moments. “You will always have way more to do than you can actually accomplish” he told me. I’m only in university, and if my dad is saying that, then safe to say life is only going to get more insane.
With these thoughts in my head, I decided to enjoy my life — I decided to go to Berlin. Last week, my description of Berlin was rather superficial — stylish boys, great music, cool bars — but it meant so much more than that. For me, the trip meant taking some time to enjoy art and this beautiful world, and the coolest friends a girl could have.
I guess the whole point of this blog post is to tell you — it’s okay to give yourself a day to chill. I’ve battled with anxiety for most of my short life [GUYS I’m only 21 — ok], and if I’ve learned anything, it’s that you’re ‘crises’ aren’t nearly as bad as you think.
Get a coffee, listen to this mix and email an old friend — put things in perspective.
More London photos coming soon! Feels good to be back in my favourite city <3.
Love you guys.